


Realistic Imagination

by orphan_account



Category: Tenimyu RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-03
Updated: 2014-10-03
Packaged: 2018-02-19 17:48:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2397308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Maybe he was just a figment of my imagination, a part of my brain that decided, <i>hey, you look pretty lonely, let me conjure up an imaginary guy for you!</i>, which was at this moment my most obvious choice of answer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Realistic Imagination

Maybe he wasn’t real at all. Maybe he was just a figment of my imagination, a part of my brain that decided,  _hey, you look pretty lonely, let me conjure up an imaginary guy for you!_ , which was at this moment my most obvious choice of answer. Why else would there be the very same guy in my dreams every single night, why else would this guy be here, every time I fell asleep, welcoming me back?

[Because I was very obviously insane]

It still didn’t change the fact that he  _was_ still here, and that I did know he was here, and vice versa, and the way his arms went around me – not touching, never touching because he never touches me at all – like we aren’t both male, like this world isn’t real, because in all honesty, it isn’t. This is just a dream.

[Is it even my dream?]

He grins at me like he always does, and sometimes I just want that grin to be for me and no one else, I want those lips to be pulled into a smile for my sake and my sake alone. His hand comes up to my shoulder and he’s speaking, talking, but I can’t hear him over the – as cheesy as it sounds – pounding of my heart whenever he’s around.

[I don’t want this to stop]

I wish I could stay here forever, with him, together with him, and maybe, just maybe I could be by his side, maybe he would let me and we could be together. I wonder if that ever happened, how I would react: would I stay with him here, in this illusion, where nothing exists except him, his voice, his smile, the way he plays pranks on me, the way he takes care of me in a way that makes me never want him to let me go?

[Do you know how much I want to stay?]

He’s so cute, so happy all the time and a part of me wonders why, why can’t I be as happy as he is, as fun and as outgoing? Why do I have to hide behind these fake smiles, pretend that I’m happy when I’m so obviously not? Is it because I have some identity I have to keep, or is it because of something that happened before I even met him?

[But I’ve never met him before]

We’ve never touched, even though each time I close my eyes and go to sleep, he’s here, waiting for me. He would hold his hand out towards me, but when I try to reach for it, it’ll be gone, it’ll have disappeared and he would be standing a few metres away from me, grinning and waiting for me to walk with him. Where are we going?

[Can I hold your hand?]

We always walk, and we chat about this, and that, and sometimes I feel like he’s taking me further and further away from reality, and the day will come when I never wake up, and we’ll be here, together, and we’ll walk and never get tired, and then we’ll never stop. Then I won’t ever have to leave him, and he won’t ever have to leave me, and it’ll be all that I’ve ever asked for in my life.

[Please don’t make me let go of him]

We reach our destination and I smile at him, and he smiles back, but there’s a terribly sad look in his eyes that I can’t stand, and I lift a hand to his face, asking him,  _what’s wrong, why’re you so sad_ , but he doesn’t say anything. He flinches away from my touch before my hand can even make contact and that makes me break down, too.

[Why won’t you let me touch you?]

He doesn’t seem to want me here, even though he always tells me otherwise, the look in his eyes, the way he always seems to want me to leave him makes me so, so angry. I want to stay with him, can’t he tell that I want to be with him for the rest of eternity, that I would stay here with him even if it’s against the laws of the universe?

[I want to stay]

Mouth opening, words tumble from his mouth, and he shakes his head at me sadly. I can’t hear him – the words are spilling but this time, literally, I can’t hear him at all. It has nothing to do with me being excited to see him, nothing to do with anger, but the fact that I really, really cannot hear him can’t hear the voice I’ve come to love so much.

[What are you trying to tell me?]

He gestures towards the tall, white marble doors that are in front of us, and I take a step forward. He’s telling me to go through the doors, and that I should go first, before him, but I don’t want to. I’m afraid this is a lie, that once I enter these doors everything will come crashing down and there’ll be nothing that I can do to stop it.

[Don’t make me leave you]

I shake my head at him, and he sighs, even though I can’t hear it. I can see it, because I know him so well already, his body language, the way his every movement tells me what he’s thinking, what he’s doing, and it hurts so much because I can tell, at this very moment, he’s trying to distance himself from me.

[Why are you doing this?]

His smile disappears and it becomes a frown, one so harsh that it scares me because I can’t take that expression on his face. He’s kind and loving and he always makes me feel like I’m the luckiest person in the world to have met him – even if he isn’t real – so why, why is he pushing me away this time? When I want to stay with him, I don’t understand why he doesn’t want me to stay.

[I’d stay asleep forever if it meant being with him]

He gestures violently to the door, and I, not wanting to upset him any further, take one last look at him before I push open the door. It seems like an ordinary house from where I’m standing, and he gives me a small smile, walking towards me. He raises his arms and I think he’s going to ‘hug’ me like he’s always done, arms around me but never touching.

[Can I hug you?]

But his arms come into contact with my skin, and it burns, burns like fire and ice, the heat and the cold coming together and seeping, diving itself into my skin. I scream, and I hear him scream, the both of us are screaming in pain but neither wants to let go. I look at the entrance through tear streaked eyes and there is no room there, not any longer, it is dark and empty, like the universe. He quietens and I quieten even though the pain hurts more than anything else.

[Except the ache in my heart]

He buries his head in my shoulder and the contact burns even more, but we both want it, this hurt, this ache, and he throws the both of us off the doorway into the empty darkness, dark like his hair, like his eyes, like the universe, like the pain that consumes the both of us as we fall, fall and fall even further.

[How long are we going to fall?]

Then I realise the pain is lessening, and I look up from my safe haven within his arms to find that there is no more haven, there is no more  _him,_ he’s gone and all I can hear is his voice,  _be safe_ , he says,  _be happy_   _for me_ , but I want to scream at him, because no, no how can I be happy without him, without you, I can’t ever be happy without you and  _where are you going?_

[Come back]

I wake up.

[Where are you?]

There are faces around me.

[It hurts]

They are people I know.

[Who is that?]

I hear screaming.

[Pain, pain, pain]

Is it me?

[Whose name are they calling?]

I turn my head to look.

[Don’t stop me]

There’s a white sheet.

[Who is it?]

I pull it back.

[It’s you]

And I scream.

[Why was it you?]

Because it all rushes back to me, and I was never asleep, I was in a coma, you were never a figment of my imagination, you were real, you were my co-actor and we were going for dinner, we were going for dinner until we ran into a robber, you were in the way, I was in the way, but you protected me, screamed my name and took the blow for me and now the one lying on that bed is you, you,  _you._

[Stop this]

_Keisuke!_

[Why did it have to be you?]

 

**Author's Note:**

> The first person point of view can be read as either Ken-san, or Kamicchi. If you read ‘I’ as Ken-san, the final ‘Keisuke!’ would be Ken-san screaming Kamicchi’s name after realising he’s dead, if you read ‘I’ as Kamicchi, the final ‘Keisuke’ would be Ken-san screaming Kamicchi’s name before he took the fatal blow.


End file.
